Time

The one thing every homeschool mom yearns for is a little bit of alone time. If only we had some time to ourselves, why we'd be reading great books, quilting, knitting, we'd have a sparkling clean house. We'd be reading that book in a smartly decorated room, cuddled under a homemade afghan while enjoying an uninterrupted cup of tea. It is the ultimate fantasy of life without kids underfoot.

Here's the bizarre thing. With one child out of the house and the other done with all his outside activities for the school year, I'm finding I have hours each day to do with as I please - and I can't figure out what the heck to do with myself. If I spend time reading or working on a quilt, then I feel guilty about the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink and the piles of laundry waiting to be put away. If I spend time cleaning I resent that I'm using my free time on that instead of doing something interesting. I even am questioning the homeschool time I spend with my youngest, as if somehow that isn't a worthwhile use of my time either. I have this luxury yet am paralyzed with the worry that I am not using it wisely!!

It seems I'm at a loss without deadlines and young people needing my immediate attention. And I'm stunned that after 24 years of marriage and 18 years of parenthood, I still find it hard to fathom how much time it really takes to keep a house running smoothly -- the laundry, the groceries, the dust bunnies, the piles of stuff.

**sigh**

So much for blogging deep and profound insights into homeschooling. I have to empty the dishwasher now.