I'm getting a taste of what life is like after homeschooling and it is really odd. I'm not entirely sure what to do with myself.
During my 11 years of homeschooling I'd relish the quiet hours before everyone got up, sipping coffee, browsing the internet, reading the paper. I'd fit in an errand or load of laundry before it was time to brace myself for the homeschool routine. I'd cement a cheery smile on my face while the kids rolled their eyes over math or while they dragged their feet getting out the door for a class or activity. If one kid was at an activity the other was supposed to be doing work -- I was constantly juggling my attention from kid to kid, to school to the calendar and where I needed to be next. I even found a way to shoe-horn in my own interests, but it made for some crazy busy months.
This September I suddenly find myself free from math and science, two time consuming homeschool subjects, and virtually free from driving. I still start my day with my own quiet time, still get an errand done fairly early, but I realize I don't have to start the juggling routine of homeschooling and driving, I really have no responsibilities to anyone for the balance of the day. It is unsettlingly bizarre. I can't figure out what to do with myself, what my own priorities are. I start making lists of things I've wanted to get done, of tasks that could be done in a more timely manner, and it is all Suzy Homemaker stuff. Vacuuming. Dusting. Organizing closets. Yuck!! Is that all I have left in my life?! Then I think of my interests such as reading, writing, practicing violin, gardening, knitting......and that seems sooooo self-indulgent. I feel guilty to think that I get to just do that as much and as often as I want. Then I think of how I could be exercising daily now, and I feel even more guilty that I'm sitting in Starbucks writing a blog entry!
I know -- what a horrible problem to have. This is NOT a complaint, really, but more of an observation of how strangely different life my life is now. For the first time in almost 19 years of motherhood, I'm not having to react and adjust to and juggle the needs and demands of others. After organizing everyone else, I have to organize myself.
It is so bizarre.